By Zain Swaleh
Into the void, searching for transcendence...
Every iota of awareness rushed to my eyes. Engulfed by a burning sensation, I was thrown into panic. Fumbling and reaching into the abyss, I attempted to grasp my salvation. I frantically brushed my hands along invisible walls. A spray bottle of fresh water was hanging somewhere. Suspended in a void; searching desperately - I found it. In one swift motion, I brought the nozzle to my face, opened my eyes and squeezed the trigger with reckless abandon. The burning sensation abated, the water began to still and I returned to my journey into inner space.
Don’t let the salt water get in your eyes...
My experience of existence had always left me feeling that there are two distinct aspects of myself. There is the ‘physical me’, made up of all the flesh, bones and organ - the vessel - the sensorial antenna. Then, there is the ‘ego-me’, or the mind which is carried around by this fleshy vessel. A separation had always existed between the ‘physical me’ and the ‘ego-me.’ The mind watches the physical vessel trip, stumble and meander through life. It has left me feeling perpetually ‘stuck in my head.’ Looking in at myself, I became a voyeur to my own existence who was never able to truly absorb the present moment.
The desire to find a cure to this endless voyeurism, brought me to floatation therapy. Crudely, I check out of reality and check into outer space. Put more profoundly, I wanted what everyone who enters the void wants - to unlock something. Something that I believed lay dormant in the recesses of the mind. A realisation, an epiphany that would abate the discontent and confusion that lay within me - between my mind, my body and the external world. I wanted self-transcendence. Could I, with a few pricey one-hour sessions, bypass a lifetime of theory and practice that mystics for thousands of years have undergone to achieve this same goal..
Self transcendence, for those unaware, is defined by his Highness the Dalai Google Search as an, “acceptance, identification, or spiritual union with nature and its source”. To me, it is more than that. It is also the achievement of unity between the fractured parts of oneself - the mind and the body. It is through self-transcendence that we learn to live mindfully - through our senses and in the present. How can confining oneself in a dark, watery, box bring about self-transcendence? It seems paradoxical that this act of shutting out the sensory experience can awaken a sense of unity between mind and body. I did not find the answer to the paradox inside the tank, but stumbled across it whilst following a guided meditation...
Slowly, in and out - I guided my breath. Inhaling, I filled up my lungs, feeling my belly expand. Exhaling, gently squeezing the air upwards, my belly deflating, feeling the warm air tickle my nasal passage. The gentle voice of the narrator, invoked a scene:
“The warm, inviting waters rise up your legs, enveloping your thighs, gently swirling around your waist and your belly. You feel no separation between your body and the water. It is so warm and so gentle. You lift your eyes up toward the sky and see that it is filled with a crystal white light
and as your eyes focus on beautiful white light, your feet begin to rise and you float gently on your back in the river. As you float you are able to fully embody the absolute stillness, serenity, peace and calm. It's hard to tell if you are floating in the river or the river is floating in you. There is no separation. You are the river that is inside of you. You understand this completely as you physically become a river - gently and peacefully dissolving into oneness with the peace and the calm and the serenity of the stillness that you yourself created around and within you.”
Instantly, I snapped out of my meditative trance. Whether this narrator knew it or not, she was describing the experience of floating. The warm water, the stillness, loss of bodily sensation - all of this was my experience of sensory deprivation...
The illusion of infinite space and weightlessness prevailed. After a few moments, the muscles along my lower spine began to spasm. Like never before in my life, gravity relented. As the water began to settle, I lost awareness of where my body ends and the water begins. I felt fear when I began to lose grasp of the boundaries of myself - I jolted. With the water disturbed I once again could distinguish my physical self. It took a few attempts to confront the loss of physical sensation and place the cap over my sensory lenses. For a time, I do not know how long, I floated in a trance. I was not asleep, thoughts entered my mind, but as quickly as they came - they left. My mind flowed as the river; my body felt as much a part of the water around it and the mind inside it. There it was - self transcendence - no psychedelic drugs, no silent retreats, no yoga, no Ashrams, no gurus, just a dark tank and some really salty water.
After I left the tank the feeling began to dissolve. Within a day, I would be back to the same ‘stuck in my head’ stupor. Like a drug, it lifted me off the ground only to return me back - more gently perhaps.
Sensory deprivation tanks are not going to bring you to everlasting self-transcendence. They are a window into it. That’s why I believe it is a vital experience and well worth trying out. Dissolving into the salty waters around you, allows you to understand that your physical body is not a vessel divorced from your essential self. It is an inextricable part of yourself which allows you to experience existence. By experiencing the oneself as a floating consciousness inside the sensory deprivation tank, it opened me to the possibility of experiencing this oneness between my mind and body. It allowed me to understand that this distinction I felt was an illusion. The mind and body two parts of an inseparable whole. Depriving myself of physical sensation and experiencing the oneness of the mind allowed me to understand there was no distinction between my mind and body in what constituted ‘me’.
Your not going to achieve self-transcendence in the floatation tank, but at least you will know what you are looking for.